Are You In Vocation-Discerning Limbo?

"So, have you chosen a vocation yet?"

"Are you discerning?"

"Do you think you are called to the priesthood?"

"You seem like you would make a great nun! "

"Just pray about it, and God will give you an answer!"

Do the above questions and suggestions sound familiar? Are you driving yourself crazy going back and forth between the idea of one vocation or another? Are you just plain stuck in vocation-discerning limbo? If so, I hope this post will comfort you, settle your heart, and give you the steps to help better lead you on the right path towards God’s will.

Vocation-Discerning Limbo of Fear (For those who are afraid God's calling is going to make them miserable) First of all, for all those who are walking around terrified God is going to make them be a priest or nun..etc Please take a deep breath. Relax. God is not up there getting satisfaction in watching you think He’s going to make you do something you do not want to do! He wants you to be happy, not stricken with fear or confusion. “Which of you fathers, if your son asks for[a] a fish, will give him a snake instead? 12 Or if he asks for an egg, will give him a scorpion? 13 If you then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give the Holy Spirit to those who ask Him!” Luke 11:11-13 God is the ultimate loving Father. He is the perfect loving dad who wants the ultimate best for his children. Do you think that He wants to see his little girl or boy afraid of Him? All He wants from us is to trust Him and rest in His love. Our vocation will make us happy and holy, not miserable! So if you know in your heart that you will not be happy in a certain vocation, then odds are that is not the vocation for you. It’s as simple as that! If you find yourself afraid to surrender everything to God, afraid He will make you do something you do not want to do, then I encourage you to keep giving that fear over to the Lord. Get to know Him more. The more you get to know Him, the more you will see His loving heart... the more you will see the truth that He truly wants what's best for you! Don’t let fear prevent you from seeing the beauty in other vocations, even if you are not meant to pursue that vocation. Every vocation is beautiful in its own specific way. If you are excited about a certain vocation, then be excited. Don’t let the fear of God one day saying, “Sorry, I know you have been excited about this vocation but you are going to have to choose this one instead. I know you won’t be as happy, but I want you to suffer.” No! That is not how it works. That is not who God is. So, just rest. Keep asking for the grace to surrender. Just simply be, and do not be afraid.

Vocation-Discerning Limbo of Confusion (For those who keep discerning because they just aren’t sure yet…and it’s been that way… for a while.) Ok, so you aren’t sure what you want. You keep going back and forth. Afraid to stay where you are, but maybe afraid to move forward at the same time. Marriage would be nice, but then again, the religious/ordained life sounds good too. So what should you do? Well first, I hope you have been discerning. It may seem obvious to some people but discerning is a choice we make. It means bringing that confusion to God in prayer and asking God to reveal His will to us, trusting that He will guide you. It means being real with God; if you're feeling overwhelmed or frustrated by this confusion, tell Him that! That is good, true prayer. Second, begin exploring a vocation that you are thinking about. Have you visited a religious order to see what it’s about? (Keep in mind, that some people may feel pretty certain what their vocation is, and so they might not need to explore or spend a whole lot of time discerning. However, it is still good to take the vocation you are certain about to God and still pray about it. In order to come to a real certainty, God must be the center of every decision we make.) Third, if you have been praying and have explored religious/ordained life and you are still unsure, then it’s time to make a decision. If you are feeling a great peace or leaning towards one vocation more than the other, then take courage and act on that decision. I think the dangerous thing people tend to do is walk around with the mentality of: “well… I could meet someone and get married, but I might just wait and see. If nothing happens then I will enter the seminary/convent.” This only keeps you in a state of limbo. Try not to get so hung up on making the right choice, especially if a year has passed and you are still wrestling with a decision. Sometimes we may even know the answer deep down but just need to have confidence to acknowledge it. Remember that God works in beautiful ways. If you sincerely want to do His will, He will guide you. Keep in mind that God uses ALL situations, to shape you, to guide you, and to show you His will. God may not come out and give you a clear answer, but He did give you a mind to reason. We also have to be humble in knowing that we may not always get it right, but then know that God has a beautiful, genius way of getting us back on track. But if you just sit around remaining idle then you may just stay that way..and time will keep passing you by.

Vocation-Discerning Limbo While Dating (For all those who are in a relationship but are still discerning if they should enter the religious life) If you are in a relationship and you find yourself going back and forth between religious/ordained life and marriage, then it may not be a good idea for you to stay in that relationship. When you aren’t 100% sure you should be dating the other person, then you aren’t 100% committed to the relationship either. This isn’t fair to you, nor is it fair to the person you are with. It’s ok to take a step back and take time to yourself to discern. Don’t be afraid that you will miss your chance with the person you are with. As mentioned before, if you are sincerely praying to do God’s will, He will guide you. (And remember His beautiful, genius ways of getting us back on track. I've known several married couples who had broken up while dating, only to get back together a year or more later.) Remember to let your yes be yes and your no be no. If you do decide to take a step back and end the relationship you are in, know it literally means “end.” What I mean is, do not end a relationship but then give the other person hope that you may be back. I’ve seen this happen to men and women, and it is not fun. I’ve seen men and women hold out on someone who wanted to take time away to discern, only to have their hearts crushed. So if you are going to break up to discern then officially break up to discern.

For ALL those discerning (summing it up) The most important thing to remember when discerning a vocation (Priesthood, single consecrated life, religious life, or marriage) is to spend time with God in prayer. Every. single. day. Now, it is hard to be with God without all these thoughts and questions running through our minds. Instead, try to silence your heart and listen to what God has to say. You may not hear His voice right away, but be patient. It takes time to get to know someone and it also takes time to recognize their voice. Also, find a spiritual director to help sort through your thoughts. Spiritual directors can be such a blessing and are so helpful when we find ourselves lost in our own thoughts or not sure what the next step should be.

Do not get discouraged. Remember that with any vocation, there should be a deep peace. There should be excitement. It should make you holy. On the other hand, you should not feel confused, unhappy, or trapped.